Lesson X: Jennifer Teh

I love getting all those surprises from my girlfriend. She does the sweetest little things for me, and I love how they are so unexpected, and how they leave that everlasting tingle in our memory. Its a pleasure, both for the surprisee and the surprisor.

What I should do more often, then, is to give little sweet shocks to my partner! She's been on the giving end most of the time, and I think its about time someone lets her know how it feels to be on the receiving end ;)

Lesson X:
1. Use everything at your disposal, and everything NOT at your disposal, to surprise her!

2. Be original, try out something new, its okay even if its just a small surprise, because sometimes the smaller ones can feel more sincere and loving.

3. Show that you care all the time, constantly, permanently, doing your best to give her the best. That's our strategy to how we shall keep our love alive and squirming, just like a lively living form! Bring her out on a surprise trip, make something for her, etc.

4. Make use of your context, and tweak your surprise to blend into the context. Use it as a base by doing something that complements the unique scenario.

5. Outdo the rest!!!! Have more vitality, more youth, more tender care, more wit, more more more everything!

The Art of Life

Sometimes, after uttering a sentence without first using my brain, I realize how generic and boring it sounds. Everybody uses the same phrase. Everybody thinks the same way. I'm in line with most of everybody, and most of everybody is in line with me.

Which is BAD! We're all gonna be homogenous this way, which is bad for both you, and I!

Hence I propose that from now on, I think before I speak to avoid homogenouism!

Lesson:

1. Play with words and sentence structuring, and play around with the way you say it, so that everything you say turns out to be fresh, fun and unique.

2. For times when your brain has already got the right idea on certain ideas, but because its a very unique idea, it may take a little effort to get it out from your mind into verbal form. I think I have this problem where I prefer to just leave complicated stuff in my head, rather than going through the effort of putting it into words, because I'm afraid that it comes out wrong or awkward.

So here's an idea! Give life to your words, and do verbalize your thoughts. Be expressive. Use new words, new vocabulary, use typical words in atypical means. The idea is already unique, so that helps. Liek Nike says, Just Do It!

The "Edit" Button

Remember my first lesson? "When in doubt, surprise yourself!"

Well, please do also surprise yourself as often as you can, even when you're already certain of what you want to do!

Lessons:

1. Make full use of information and the knowledge you possess. If you know full well that an inevitable something is going to happen, embrace it with pride and take control of it by allowing it to happen, and even welcoming it.

2. There's no point in knowledge if you are aware of things but do nothing about it. Make a move, with that knowledge you have!

3. When u are hugging, even if its an auntie or a foe, honour the act of hugging by being "in" the hug. No patting allowed, its very, subtly, absolutely, rude. Be polite instead! :)

4. When complimenting someone who has improved, do NOT compare! Instead, DO honestly assess the situation as though it is a fresh new start. Say "you're good" rather than saying "you're gooder". It makes the experience that much more pleasant for the other party.

5. Edit, edit, edit! It is easy to say what you think, but it takes a lot of self-control and assertive power to be able to edit what you want to say into what people want to hear, and yet convey the exact same message you originally wanted to communicate. Put in effort to trim, tweak, and edit what your overly intelligent brain has to say.

6. DO edit for the better!

7. When editting, keep in mind the LONG TERM outlook. Think about what you want your words to achieve in the long term. Make your sentences purposeful and have a longer-lasting effect by editting it to make it... STICKY. ;)

Lesson #8 Every relationship is unique

I spent the whole Sunday evening having fun with my sister in AmCorp Mall singing and doing random crazy shit. The next day, at college, I seemed to have automatically adopted the same attitude I had on Sunday with my sister. Its as though the brain falls back to what was considered a successful attitude yesterday, and recycled the emotions and experience to be used when I'm with other people.

But this time, with less satisfactory results. I felt estranged, as though i couldn't connect with the others. It would appear that the brain automatically defines a comfort zone and assumes that it is the same when dealing with everyone else, which is a misleading assumption. What I should have done was to consciously tune myself to the new person's frequency, so that we can 'click', rather than adopting a comfort zone which was previously established with someone else.

Lesson:

1. Your relationship with ANYONE is unique only to the both of you. Nobody else can replicate such a relationship, and hence, what attitude was worked for dealing with one person will NOT work with a different person. Adjustments have to be made.

2. Always tune yourself to a person's very own special and unique frequency in order to establish meaningful conversations and build deeper connections with them.

3. People's frequencies may change over time, and you may have to retune things with them. Past experiences with that person should be used only as a guide, they are NOT to be relied too much upon.

Lesson #7 Of Confidence, Possession and Mental Projections

I realized sometimes when I offer my help, I am NOT sincere enough. This bothers me because when you are not sincere enough, the other person can FEEL it, through your words, body language and vocal tone. What I should have done is to make a stronger, more solid mental projection of me helping my friend out all the way through till the end, whether or not I am capable enough is a different story.

This doesn't necessarily mean I need to spend extra time conjuring the mental projection. No. Extra time and effort spent does not necessarily equal strong mental projections. You can project a strong one for a split second, and if it sticks then and there, then it's considered effective enough.

When approaching someone, your warmth and confidence is absolutely necessary. Again, any lack of such warmth will be felt by the other person, and this will lead them to feeling uncomfortable. The action you have in your mind can be carried out with very, VERY different results, depending on how YOU YOURSELF feel about the action. Feel good about it, and the action will feel good.

Also, I was chatting with a close friend about her problems, when I so stupidly decided to say "more importantly..." and change the subject. NEVER, EVER DO THAT AGAIN WEI PING! Saying "more importantly" is the same as telling your friend her problems aren't important enough to you! And if that is not how you truly feel, don't use those words! They don't do YOU the justice you deserve, and they definitely aren't conveying what you truly feel!

Lesson:

1. Have confidence. This confidence projects itself through your actions and determines the outcome. I quote a phrase in a book of negotiations, "If you think you can or cannot, you're always right".

2. Always know and feel that you're right, simply because you are.

3. Never use the words "more importantly" when discussing about someone else's problems. There is nothing more important to that person than what is worrying them RIGHT NOW.

4. Intend to see things all the way through when you decide to help a friend out. I ain't backing off halfway in a half-assed manner from my own propositions to help, ever again!

5. Possession. Sometimes, and only in some particular situations, you have to act like you have the ownership rights to a PERSON. This may or may not be deemed as desirable by the other party, depending on the circumstances. Use this weapon with wise.

6. If someone you like touches you, touch them back! :D Without words! :D

(I only almost pulled this off perfectly, minus the silly awkward hand position and the unnecessary words =\ Oh well, I'll pull it off perfectly next time! :D)

Lesson #6 Sometimes, you must go the extra mile

Recently I've been in an emotional turmoil due to the loss of a very precious friendship. Long story short, I confessed to her, things got awkward, I started to feel ignored, and while discussing things between us I made an irrational move. I judged her and she was extremely pissed with it. I've done all I can to bring the friendship back, and I've gone all out in everything I do. Its not working.

Anyway, I was just reminiscing of the past moments I had with her as friends, way back when before this drama happened. There was one time when she shared her social problems with me, and the very next day she seemed to be really down and upset. I knew it had something to do with what she shared with me, but I feigned ignorance and asked her what was wrong anyway. She was really quiet and unresponsive, so I decided it was best to leave her alone and go have lunch with my friends instead.

Something happened and I made a quick trip back soon after, only to find her crying with another friend beside her. Apparently, that friend kept questioning her and she just couldn't hold the tears in any longer.

What I should have done was to have just dragged her to Baskin Robbins or something to cheer her up, instead of hoping she'd work it out herself. I didn't need hear from her exactly what was making her upset, because I already knew partially. And even if I didn't, it would still have been a good idea to cheer her up and make her feel comfortable before making attempts to make her talk.

Lesson:

1. Be flexible. If one approach is just not working, its time to use a different approach instead.

2. Be persistent. Giving up too easily only shows that you don't care enough to put in more effort. The ice cannot be broken with only one poke from the fork.

3. But don't be TOO persistent. If you know its not gonna work, don't push it. Know your limits.

4. Be fun. When you try to cheer people up, its gotta be something cheerful!

5. Don't be afraid of how others may see you. So what if they know you like her? That's nothing to be ashamed of at all. Action speaks louder than words, so just do what you think is best in that particular situation, and don't worry about being teased. The outcome will be well worth the setback, and the setback may not really even be much of a setback anyway.

6. When I am down, I cope by surrounding myself with friends. I share my life stories, and I have fun with them, and in the process I form a closer bond with them. This may be applicable to some friends. Sometimes, all they need is for us to be there for them, in spirit and soul.

7. If you think someone is worth going the extra mile for, then don't hesitate in going that extra mile.

Lesson #5 The Golden Rule

I realize that when I spend too much time chatting on MSN, communication in real life suddenly becomes a much more daunting task. Real life conversations suddenly just doesn't feel real. In fact, it suddenly feels very much... alien.

What I personally think is that, the more adept you are in a particular medium of communication (MoC), the more you will lose touch with your competence in the other MoCs. This is because we try to apply, unknowingly and unsuccessfully, what we learn in one MoC to that of another, without realizing that they are NOT the same.

In this case, transferring knowledge between MoCs can backfire and be counter-productive.

Some popular MoCs that immediately come to mind are:

1. Face to face
2. Online messengers
3. Phone calls
4. SMS
5. Facebook
6. Forums
7. Etc

Lesson:

1. The golden rule is; there is no golden rule. Different MoCs require different approaches to be successful. What seems to work well in one MoC may not necessarily work well in another.

2. Always, always keep the golden rule in mind when switching between MoCs. Awareness helps keep away the temptation to stray.

3. Versatility is key. Different situations call for different approaches. You have options, so use them. Don't stubbornly stick to one MoC just because you are most comfortable with it. Sometimes, to progress in life, one must stray away from their comfort zone. Explore, experiment, and experience.

4. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it does make you better. So keep practicing, and enjoy the process while you're at it! :)