Lesson #8 Every relationship is unique

I spent the whole Sunday evening having fun with my sister in AmCorp Mall singing and doing random crazy shit. The next day, at college, I seemed to have automatically adopted the same attitude I had on Sunday with my sister. Its as though the brain falls back to what was considered a successful attitude yesterday, and recycled the emotions and experience to be used when I'm with other people.

But this time, with less satisfactory results. I felt estranged, as though i couldn't connect with the others. It would appear that the brain automatically defines a comfort zone and assumes that it is the same when dealing with everyone else, which is a misleading assumption. What I should have done was to consciously tune myself to the new person's frequency, so that we can 'click', rather than adopting a comfort zone which was previously established with someone else.

Lesson:

1. Your relationship with ANYONE is unique only to the both of you. Nobody else can replicate such a relationship, and hence, what attitude was worked for dealing with one person will NOT work with a different person. Adjustments have to be made.

2. Always tune yourself to a person's very own special and unique frequency in order to establish meaningful conversations and build deeper connections with them.

3. People's frequencies may change over time, and you may have to retune things with them. Past experiences with that person should be used only as a guide, they are NOT to be relied too much upon.

Lesson #7 Of Confidence, Possession and Mental Projections

I realized sometimes when I offer my help, I am NOT sincere enough. This bothers me because when you are not sincere enough, the other person can FEEL it, through your words, body language and vocal tone. What I should have done is to make a stronger, more solid mental projection of me helping my friend out all the way through till the end, whether or not I am capable enough is a different story.

This doesn't necessarily mean I need to spend extra time conjuring the mental projection. No. Extra time and effort spent does not necessarily equal strong mental projections. You can project a strong one for a split second, and if it sticks then and there, then it's considered effective enough.

When approaching someone, your warmth and confidence is absolutely necessary. Again, any lack of such warmth will be felt by the other person, and this will lead them to feeling uncomfortable. The action you have in your mind can be carried out with very, VERY different results, depending on how YOU YOURSELF feel about the action. Feel good about it, and the action will feel good.

Also, I was chatting with a close friend about her problems, when I so stupidly decided to say "more importantly..." and change the subject. NEVER, EVER DO THAT AGAIN WEI PING! Saying "more importantly" is the same as telling your friend her problems aren't important enough to you! And if that is not how you truly feel, don't use those words! They don't do YOU the justice you deserve, and they definitely aren't conveying what you truly feel!

Lesson:

1. Have confidence. This confidence projects itself through your actions and determines the outcome. I quote a phrase in a book of negotiations, "If you think you can or cannot, you're always right".

2. Always know and feel that you're right, simply because you are.

3. Never use the words "more importantly" when discussing about someone else's problems. There is nothing more important to that person than what is worrying them RIGHT NOW.

4. Intend to see things all the way through when you decide to help a friend out. I ain't backing off halfway in a half-assed manner from my own propositions to help, ever again!

5. Possession. Sometimes, and only in some particular situations, you have to act like you have the ownership rights to a PERSON. This may or may not be deemed as desirable by the other party, depending on the circumstances. Use this weapon with wise.

6. If someone you like touches you, touch them back! :D Without words! :D

(I only almost pulled this off perfectly, minus the silly awkward hand position and the unnecessary words =\ Oh well, I'll pull it off perfectly next time! :D)